Betfair Great Posts _ Betting shop characters (Part Two)

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:08 PUFFING BILLY.

about 60 years old looks 102, chain smokes ready mades and has the skin of a rhino, you know the one when the back of their neck is covered in criss cross lines, looks like a patch work quilt, absolutely stink of nicotine and coughs for england, eyes are sometimes streaming from so much coughing.

A similar thread appeared on Horse Racing last year.

Hopefully the poster who told us about the punter who, so excited about a race,shook a turd out of his trouser leg when collecting his winnings,will reappear and take us through it again.

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:08 JONAH

This bloke seems to back the same horse as the majority of the shop.

When he starts shouting it, slips get torn up and thrown away. This can be approaching the first in a 4 mile chase.

Claims to be a bit deaf and losing his sight.

GO ON MY SON, GO ON TRAP 6 (6 l Clear at the last bend)

you're first winner is when he starts cheering one on, and ITS NOT YOURS.

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:08 Not to be confused with the original DISGRACE, described earlier in the thread. Not that you could: DISGRACE II is Jamaican and uses a wheelchair. This does not appear to have inhibited his alcolhol consumption however - indeed it may even have encouraged it as he knows he will not be walking anywhere and he is already legless (apolgies - I thought long and hard about whether I should put that in).

The highlight of DISGRACE II's afternoon is going to the shop next door for more tinnies, which on this occasion resulted in him moving too fast and turning his conveyance over in the door of the shop and becoming temporarily wedged there.

Also never actually seen placing a bet.

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:09 THE HOGGER

Usually smartly dressed mid 30's office worker on his lunch break. Walks to where the Racing Post is on display. Starts to read it and takes a sandwich out of his carrier bag. Takes an age to eat his sarnie. People queue up behind him hoping to glance at the Sports Section but he is oblivious to this. Annoyingly he is reading the "form" which is on display throughout the shop. But he likes to hog the Post, he does it at the same time every day. Oh good, he's finished his sandwich, maybe he'll go now. But no. He reaches in his carrier bag and takes out his custard slice. Not so much a "character", more a pain in the bum.

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:09 Used to come in my shop,glance around when he had placed his £1.20ew on a 4 -1 shot.Then as one horse was 50 yds from the line,he would erupt...'good boy...get in there'. He then proceeded to go to each punter and tell them that he and his son had had £400 on the winner at 7-1 in a Sadbrokes in Farnborough because he was good mates with Nicky Henderson and Brendan Powell and as his daughter worked for Nicky,he was always invited for dinner there. One day when he came in before racing,I decided to call his bluff and pretended to be intersted in his famous contacts.He preened himself,then proceeded to spout on for 10 mins about a load of lies.I then asked him,'whts the name of Hendersons training complex again?' He went white,turned round and ran out of the door saying he had left his oven on....he was never sighted again.

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:10 Likeable builder who just had no self control with his money.He would rush in the shop and always back Trap 3 no matter what...then the fun would begin. As the lids opened..3 would stumble losing 6 lengths but Des would now be right in front of the main screen touching it with his finger....'go on 3 my son...feck of 1,2,4,5,6.....come on you ****,whats the matter with ya....ahhh for fecks sake'...as he continued to push the white jacketed mutt with his finger. I got a phone call once from the old girl that lived above the shop asking who the man was that always swore out loud.......I said it was a customer and I apologised and asked if she wanted me to ask him to tone it down a bit.......'oh no dear....listening to him is so much better than that fecking Neighbours rubbish'.....

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:10 ANOTHER ONE FROM THE CRACKERJACK FILES

Robert was always up to practical jokes. My ex-girlfriends mum used to bet in the shop years ago, and all her bets were 5p yankees, first two and last two ret favs at each meeting, and when racing was over she'd do the same for each dog meeting that night.

She liked a drink, had terrible eyesight and couldn't see more than four feet in front of her face.

One night she was writing dog bets out but had not drawn her horse returns yet. Crackerjack was crouching behind the big square heater that was 5 feet tall, and as she walked up to get her money he called her. She turned round but couldn't see him, so she put the winning tickets on the counter and went to the shop door and looked outside, not that she was liable to see anything, as only two other people were in the shop.

While she was at the door his arm shot out and grabbed her tickets. She came back to the counter and it was a good 30 seconds before she realised they had gone. By now Crackerjack had locked himself in the toilet, while she accused the other two in the shop of nicking her tickets.

He came out and asked what the matter was, so she told him. Like a complete gentleman he told her to put her bets on and he would pay for them until the tickets turned up. She thanked him but never found out for about three days what had happened, and managed to laugh about it.

A few weeks later he had it off by following Eddery again (see earlier tale) and asked me to work the bet out for him as it was with L a d d i e s. but before I had a chance to do it, the ex-girlfriends brother, also a betting shop manager, who was in the shop on his day off, offered to work it out for him instead.

He did so, but put £80 on top of the correct figure.

When Crackerjack went to draw it such an almighty row broke out over fiddling managers that the police were called, and by the time it was all sorted he had been arrested for assault.

And when he found out what the ex-girlfriends brother had done, he just laughed it off.

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:11 Stands at 5ft and weighs in at approx 5 stone. Early 50s and walks the 25 miles round trip to the betting office EVERY day. Hasn`t changed his clothes since the 70s and his maximum bet is £1.

Once approached me in the bookies and told he his mother had died earlier that morning. Lost for words, because he was there and not at home, I asked him what age she was. His reply: " I`m not sure but she was older than me "

Later that day he said to me " It`s some shock to the system " to which I replied " What your mother dying ?" He said " No, I had a dog called first in a photo and its just been beaten "

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:11 2 stories from years ago {sis only} me and my mate were in an independant bookies - sis commentary saying making tremendous headway etc. of course we were about 200 miles away from the racecourse. photo finish and one of the characters whom we'd dubbed as neck and head comes across and says i think horse a has got it. my mate retorts i can't see from here. nuff said!

another 2 mates of mine who would bet on anything {party piece being if having a good night in the casino would eat in the restaurant, feign a stomach upset and request some alka seltser - anyway would drop them into their glasses of water simultaneosly and would scream go on my son as the tabs dissolved to the amazement of all.} main story about them however was the afternoon they frequented their local betting shop with one of the lads fancying a horse for his life. of course they both did all their cash before this good un duly obliged at 16/1. so kicking through discarded sporting lifes my disconulate mate sought the solace of a pew in the corner. within seconds a clothed capped 5p ew old trouper bombarded him with - do you mind you are in my lucky seat. to his credit this set my mate into convulsions of laughter, and he actually went outside and was physically sick as a result of the irony/humour of it all.

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:11 worked for hills about 18 years ago there was an old lad called harry who used to sit in the same seat everyday. said he was ex sas never put his bet on before the off and was a right cantkerous old sod anyway they called race off one day he set off across the shop to place the bet when of the other regulars stuck his foot out and tripped him up . his face smacked the the counter and down he went about 10 seconds later his hand appears over the top with the betting slip only for the cashier to tell him it was to late the race was off. the entire shop was in tears laughing can remember him getting up with the blood running down his nose asking who did it

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:11 MR SQUINTS

Been betting in the shop for a few years, has no problems reading the papers or watching the telly, but when he comes to the counter to draw or place a bet, he narrows his eyes to slits as though there's bright sun in his face.

No idea why he does it as we've never asked.

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:12 MR HIEROGLYPHICS is asian and can't write a bet out unitl they're off. Dogs, horses, cartoon racinig, whatever. He tries it on when he has backed numbers not names in horse races, if his bet is unsuccessful his 1s are meant to be 7s and vice versa. Been barred once for causing arguments by holding up the queue when a dog race is due to go off, but let back in when he said he wouldn't do it again. He's also a lucky bar steward.

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:12 'EAVY 'ANDED 'ARRY

Takes 5 or 6 slips out of the dispenser and writes one bet out. All the other slips are knackered because he presses so hard with the pen. Can't move a chair without hitting somebodys shins with it. He pulled the chain from the khazi cistern once, came out and put it on the counter and said 'That's broke.'

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:12 MR.5P DOUBLES

A few years ago a big punter in the betting shop used to do footie and dog accas all short favs ,anyway he was waiting for the last dog in the bookies ,all waiting to cheer it on ,came to about 30000 ,of course the dog gets beat , then the old guy in the shop starts going mad screaming throwing his pen ,the big punter says nothing the old guy screams out I HAD 10P GOING ON THAT EFFING DOG.

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:13 THE DANCER

He used to frequent the shop I used while still at school. When he placed a bet, he couldn't leave the shop until the race was over. Said he "liked to keep an eye on things". He wouldn't even go to the lavatory, which was a problem for him in cold weather. As the hydraulic pressure in his system increased, he would start shuffling from foot to foot, muttering "Hurry up! Hurry up!". Hands deep in the pockets of his old coat, he'd be dancing around in front of the tables making more noise than the rest of the punters during the National: "Hurry up! Oh, for fk sake, hurry up!"

A temporary managerette thought she'd have a laugh one day. When The Dancer's race finally started, she nipped out and locked the door to the gents. His face was a picture when he tried to rush in for a leak after the finish, but it didn't compare to her face when the inevitable happened. She had to wield a mop and bucket to the jeers of the crowd. We all liked The Dancer, he picked a lot of winners.

We had a regular around 1980 who always went for the shortest nags he could find to back. Even if he was skint, and he wasn't a big punter by any means, he'd have his £2 t/p at 2/5 or whatever and ALWAYS took the board price. Probably the biggest bet he had was around a score. Anyway one day he was chasing (again) and asked for tick, offering his bank book for security. He lived just along the street and didn't seem the brave type so he was accommodated. Horse lost, off he went, presumably to borrow elsewhere. Just before closing, in walked a sweet looking wench. This was the punter's missus. He'd decided that he had to confess all and she'd turned up to pay his debt and reclaim said bank book. Yes, THAT did cross minds but no more I'm afraid. Funny really, she was good looking and sophisticated while he was sort of useless and hapless and insignificant. SHE definitely wore the trousers, and it was a while before he reappeared to bet again.

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:13 GRAND NATIONAL PUNTER

Obviously a once-a-year visitor, often heard muttering about dens of iniquity while tiptoeing round the regulars and beer-cans on his/her way to the counter. Asks for help filling out the slip, despite it being a process unchanged since Jimmy Greaves joined the Spurs. Always always tells you the same story about how they backed Crisp in the 73 race, and "that poor Richard Pitman" - an unknowingly perceptive remark if ever there were one. Never leaves without casting pitying glances at the lowlives in the shop, and is first back in the shop at 4.05pm to collect their half-a-quid each way on the grey which snuck into fourth. My first shop was in a right run down area of the city. Next door was an all day drinking club. Pubs had to close at 2.30 then. So obviously all the cream of society were attracted to the club and hence the LBO. The shop toilent only had a urinal. Billy Hillbillies not really into catering for women at the time. Anyway two really classy, not joking, top draw totty well dressed women came in one day and enquired about WC facilities. I explained the situation. Never mind went into said carsey and relieved themselves. Must have very powerful pelvic muscles. I still dream about them now.

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:14 MR THANKING YOU

nice guy really appreciative of service received. says thank you about 6 times minimum for each bet placed.

one of my friends is an elderly gent in his late 70`s and is renown for being the worse punter of all time . he has two nicknames -Lucky and viagra (he can stiffen any horse) he is a favourite backer irrespective of horses odds ,form or anything . its well known that favourites win around 37% of races unfortunatley he backs the other 63% one day he received a tip for a horse in the last race on the sand - most of the 20 plus crowd were on the nag and it duly obliged at 7-1 (happy days) we all collected and asked him why he hadnt , he told us he had doubled the horse with the last race fav at a jump meeting at the odds of 1/3 the race was off and most of us stayed in to cheer it home for him , coming to the last all the shop were cheering it and congratulating him as the nag was at least 25 length clear , only for the inevitable to happen and it fall - cue the shop bursting into fits of laughter at his face "thats my fking luck" he announced and went into the toilet , we all waited as we were going to the local to celebrate our win , the laughter subsided and a loud noise came from the toilet , out came "viagra" wet through , he had finished his pee, flushed the lav but pulled a bit too hard and pulled the overhead cistern away from the wall cue the shop once again bursting into laughter

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:14 xmastime in Leeds in the early 60s. The shoplifters would get you a turkey , or anything for half price. All the money kept going over the counter and made Jim Windsor even richer. I ordered a turkey and the shoplifter came back with a framed copy of that Chinese girl in the green dress, about 3ft square. But I ordered a turkey, says I. There are no turkeys left in Leeds, so you will have to make do with this! he said. And what is more, he said, it was very difficult to nick!!!

occasionally two or three girls would come in ........ a rare occurence for any girl to come into this particular independent .......... they looked after this particular horse when it wasn't in training ...... often didn't place a bet they just wanted to see it run.

One day it was running at Fontwell and they placed £1 win and £1ew bets on it we all joined in and followed it's progree with interest .......... I think it was a 2m novice chase ..... it ran much better than usual pressing the leader until they came to 2 out when it made an almighty blunder and the male jockey did well to stay on ....... it eventually finished third.

' I could have done pheckin' better than that pheckin' tossser ........ ' said the earthiest looking girl as they left the shop.

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:14 BIG COL Greasy haired Taxi Driver. Last shower was at birth. Analyses every dog race with mate Unerringly accurate about 10% of the time Will bet on 2 flies!

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:15 old woman suffering from turrets would shout at top of her voice 'HELLO YOU' every 30 seconds regardless how close she was standing to you ,the first time i heard her i was putting my bet on with my back to her when she screeched the now familiar phrase, i very nearly papped myself.

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:15 A legendary character in the LBO's of Leeds city centre,his nickname says it all**never been known to back a selection odds against,always on LARGE,if on a loser starts swearing at the staff. To look at him you would think he has not got two bob,allergic to soap and deodorant.I know him to talk to,and is always telling me that the games "****",he seems always to have emergency readies for when he's on a bad run.He has been frequenting the offices of Leeds for twentyfive years and still going strong.

** I've lost the nickname...:(

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:16 MICK THE BUTCHER

one of a group of taxi drivers who used to come in and moan about what little business there was. when he'd done his money used to go to his cab and come back with a big bag of small change which he used to plonk over the counter .......... seemed friendly enough but because the other drivers referred to him as 'mick the butcher' we wondered what he'd done to earn the epitaph. ....... Quite relieved to find out he used to work in the Smithfield meat market.

when i was a bookie a bloke called dek would spout incredible lies he always backed the last winner normally for about 200 quid. his actual daily bet was 20p double 2 favs.he said one day his sister had 5 numbers +the bonus ball , 2 weeks later he said you're not going to believe it she's got 5 and the bonus ball again. we did'nt.

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:16 Hans (rip) An Austian multi millonaire. A major league **** head and general lush. I have seen him bet with a furlong to go a horse the had fallen three fences out. Had a hole host of hangers on most with wonderful nicknames like Mick the Butcher,Monkey(a legend who will probaly earn his own post at some stage),The popstar and les the letch. Hans and les being the to most wedged up amongst them where taking a kicking one day and les say to Hans " are going on the **** or getting on the chase" to which Hans replies "Pub then bank then on the chase". They returned several hours later much worse for wear and placed £30,000. in packets of sealed £50's behind the Jump and did the lot by the close at 8.30 despite being £15,000 up with only an hour or so to go. Was working for lads and could lay him any price that had ever shown on a screen Including a 5 hr back show on a pricewise selection that was 20's into 6's. He was a great tipper who could be doing thousands in a day and still of given the counter staff £100-300 let alone if he was winning

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:17 Rod.

One of the most addicted gamblers I have ever seen at work. I wont say any more about his source of income other than he has never done a days work . Will enter the shop with a wedge of readies. If he is in a good mood will get the whole shop Hot chocolates ,crapaccino's, c untalattes cakes etc and start to study the form . If not will head staight to the F.O.B.T and start playing then depending on how things are going will start betting bags dogs in £100's with £50 fc's if it looks like being a hard day at the office will start playing the the fruity, Fobt and dogs and horses all at the same time before he has the last bet of a bad day a tricast on 3 outsiders for £1.27.

Maczysz Dzieduszycki 29 Jul 00:17 Many thanks for taking the trouble, Campo - cheers !

AM I TOO EARLY 29 Jul 00:19 All posters names were removed.

That's enough for tonight.

More tomorrow night.

Anytime Mac.

Tommy Toes 29 Jul 00:22 It's good to see one of the best ever threads on here reprinted. Thanks Campo.

sugarfoot 29 Jul 21:09 some had me crying with laughter. haven't spent an afternoon in the bookies since about 1994, when I might pop into the t0te or whill at the north end of kilburn high road when I was studying. it was always pure entertainment

AM I TOO EARLY 30 Jul 06:17 Btw Lucky Fred 29 July 00:01 was a joke supplied by Cannyman

:)

AM I TOO EARLY 30 Jul 06:18 The Guy who likes to look like he is a shrewdie

A guy in his early 30s used to frequent the hills i used to work in, his routine was something like this, firstly upon his arrival in the shop he would look at all of the days results so far and as he was doing so he'd be making lots of little shss, tsk, aah, uhm type noises whilst narrowing his eyes at the screens then he'd pull out a little note book and do a little bit of scribbling. He would then turn and look at the form and cards on the wall, stopping to do the occasional scribble in his note book and on the wall too.. then he would give the screens another coat of looking at (with eyes narrowed) with more 'i've sussed something' type noises emanating from him and lots of knowing type nodding motions. He then comes to the counter with a £2 treble - the shortest 3 prices he can find on the day!!

AM I TOO EARLY 30 Jul 06:18 Piggy in the middle A recent addition to my old shop, because the three FOBT's were always full we would have a couple (by the time i left the company) of piggies in the middle standing roughly equidistant between the three machines just looking for someone to do their money so they could jump on - these guys would never have a bet and would wait 3 or 4 hours for a game of roulette if they had to..

I must say I'm glad I'm out of it !

AM I TOO EARLY 30 Jul 06:19 CHOCOLATE TASH

Only known as Brian.Would come in every day about the same time and stay for about 30 mins.As we saw him open the door,we knew what his first words would be when placing his first bet....'could I have a cup of your lovely hot chocolate?'

The said cup would stain his moustache,hence the name.....

AM I TOO EARLY 30 Jul 06:19 THE GRIM REAPER

Makes Keith Millers' hair in Eastenders look clean.Lived just along the road from my shop,and would be the first face I would see each morning and the last at night.One day his glasses broke and he asked to borrow my 60 year old cashiers spare pair.Now these are multicoloured and even Dame Edna would think twice about wearing them. His name was earned with a string of comments about the chances of horses over a short period of time...one day he spivved up one that a few of the regulars had backed...the nag fell at the last when clear and was tagged from that day forward.

AM I TOO EARLY 30 Jul 06:20 SNOTTY RON About 5 foot tall and would have a wide range of ill fitting suit jackets probably purchased from charity shops.One day he came in and he had what appeared to be a foot long icicle swinging like a pendulum from his nose.It fell off due to gravity and lay glistening on the carpet.He stopped,looked down and proceeded to wipe the excess off with the cuffs on his 'new' jacket. It was only then I realised the true horror of his habit...the cuffs were absolutely covered in snot,at which point my cashier shrieked 'I am not serving that dirty little sod'

AM I TOO EARLY 30 Jul 06:20 THE ARMY AND NAVY GIRLS

There were a couple of sorts that worked at the local A+N store that I had clocked before.One Grand National Day,they came in...I was like a lovestruck schoolkid......my mate said 'leave it to me mate,nip out the back and I will sort us out nicely here'.So I went into the kitchen and closed the door pretending to make a coffee.30 seconds later,the door flew open and my mate balled out....'Yeah,this is the bloke who thinks you are a pair of lesbians'

AM I TOO EARLY 30 Jul 06:20 OXY YEN

There was a group of Japanese punters used to bet in my shop.This one though had a complexion that would make Freddie Kruger look like a model. One day he came up to the counter with his usual request...'pie please' to which i mentally answered try the bakers(for the thousandth time) As I glanced down at the slip,it was covered in blood that had come from two of the pus filled craters that he had picked on his face. I told him to go away,wash his hands,rewrite the slip and come back. He glared at me,mumbled something in his mother tongue and sloped off to moan to his mates.I couldnt resist shouting out...' I asked him to nip back in a minute with his bet.

AM I TOO EARLY 30 Jul 06:21 ALL ON JIM

Jimmy is the best professional shoplifter I've ever met. Only 'works' when he needs to and you can tell when he's been 'at it' by all the men who live near the shop wearing the same style shirt.

He used to love a Cecil horse, and would plunge on for whatever he had in his pocket when one really took his fancy. Never stayed for more than 4 races, win or lose. Also a very shrewd judge of graded dogs form, and once backed 4 on the spin in L a d d i es without backing a favourite.

When in form he was devastating, as we knew he'd go after 4 races. Came in once and had his last fiver on a dog which won at 7/2. A short while later he put the lot on a Cecil horse, which won at 7/2, closely followed by another 'all in' on a dog at 9/4. Waited about 30 minutes and had the lot on a 5/4 winner.

Walked out with over £700. Went to La d d ies around the corner on the way home and had the lot on an evens winner.

Came in the next day, skint. Lost it all at The Stow that night.

Not seen him for2 years.

Hope he gets out soon, I need some shirts.

AM I TOO EARLY 30 Jul 06:21 superstitious sally

50 yr old dublin girl who always used to come in shop bout ten ish and have exactly same bet as i had put up on wipe clean board. This was usually 50p ew lucky 31 type bet... best i ever did was three outta five which would have paid out over five hundred.....

Heard that sal was away for ladies day at ascot on works do so wouldnt be in on that thurs.... BLESS HER LITTLE COTTON SOCKS....

In she strolls friday at ten looking like she aint slept an with a face like shes trying to eat a hot chip when she looks at the board that is still showing thurs picks........ five outta five of course...... well i ve never heard so much swearing in english an some others words that must have been gaelic........

Had to tell her later that id re done the board fri morning.... never forget her face... class...

AM I TOO EARLY 30 Jul 06:22 F'kin Scudamore

A hard-as-nails Scouser that looks like Phil Mitchell's ugly older brother. Vast biceps, gold chain, leather jacket. His entire lexicon consisted of the words 'Scudamore', 'f**k '(and its derivatives) 'cu**s' (and it's derivatives). These would be intoned, at barely discernable volume, throughout an entire race when said jock was riding and if said jock did not win by a distance, an almighty 'BARSTARDS' issued forth, thus adding to his vocabulary by 25%

AM I TOO EARLY 30 Jul 06:22 FORM BOOK FRED

Can (and will at a moments notice) tell you the average winning distance for the progeny of Kahyasi, the number of winners thrown up by the Redcar maiden ran on the 15th July and the handicap rating of every winner of the Racing Post Chase since 1985.

These and other 'facts' are the Rosetta Stone for our hero - a list of 'truths' that are good for the racing man did he but know it, to which everyone's attention must be drawn at opportune moments (e.g. when the winner of a photograph is being called).

Unfortunately, despite his god-like knowledge of every obscure fact that even a Timeform writer would turn his nose up at, our hero has a 'care-in the community' haircut, bailer twine for a belt and a dog-eared butt perpetually screwed into the corner of his mouth.

He has never backed a winner in all the time he has been in this oxygen-foresaken outpost of the Stanleys (as was) empire...

...but he could if he wanted to, and that's the point.

AM I TOO EARLY 30 Jul 06:23 hills manager in Dalston. london used to have red and yellow cards for his punters - and they took notice of him!

AM I TOO EARLY 30 Jul 06:23 I once worked for a small independentl Lets call him Reg who would scrutinise any winning bet as if it was a stitch up. He was the tighest character I ever met. We had a Saturday settler who was always the worse for wear from the night before who would sit over the multiple bets all afternoon.

One busy Saturday as we were finishing up he gets to the bottom of the pile ,obviously for the first time , and pulls out a fiver win Yankee. First won 10/1, 2nd won 8/1 and so on. The whole bet has copped. The settler marks it ups. Looks at the bet for a few minutes and then calls out:

"Oi! Reg. Look at this Lucky B astard"

AM I TOO EARLY 30 Jul 06:24 Also remember the 2 famous QPR footballers who frequented the shop next door to the ground that I was managing.

One time I had to void a bet that one of them (played for England a couple of times, famous for betting, famous for his ball skills in a Besty sort of way)thought should be a winner. You have never seen such a hissy fit in your life. He told me who he was. How much he was worth. Ripped all the papers off the wall, kicked over the litter bin and stormed out. Lovely man.

AM I TOO EARLY 30 Jul 06:24 Big Stewie.

Former pro boxer who once fought Frank Bruno. He was about 6'2-6'3 and thick set yet incredibly was once an apprentice jockey!!! Wom a commonwealth title at Cruiser but loved a drink and a thick bet. Was notorious in shops throughout Hartlepool and used to demand 7/2 about horses that hadn't ever touched 9/4. Would stand square on watching his lumpy 4/5 single bite the dust. Once saw him put a hot pie in 5the face of a man who was cheering on a 16/1 winner when he had had £600 on an Evens fav in same race.

The Bruno story is the stuff of legend. Big Frank had won 10 on the spin (all by KO) going in. Stewey had been working as a sea coaler and drinking plenty. When the fight was booked in the word went round that he would fall in 3. LOADS of lads were on at anything from 20/1 downwards. Anyhow a load of us go to London to watch the 'fight'. Stewey is incredibly holding his own and fighting out of a pugilistic style that's more 1880's than 1980's. Taunting an increasingly perplexed Bruno while shouting "YOWWWWW" in a deranged manner to the crowd at the end of each round. Anyhow the third round comes... and goes. His trainer is going mental in the corner as he's had 2 weeks wages on himself. Screaming at him the big man calmly retorts "I can f*cking win this". He goes back out and is promptly stopped 48 seconds later on cuts.

AM I TOO EARLY 30 Jul 06:25 One day a guy in my local bookies lost a fortune. Every time his horse/dog got beat he would throw his bookies pen at the screen and hurl abuse at the staff. His last big wedge went on a horse which was clear and fell at the last fence. He then went beserk, ripping up the papers, swearing at everyone and spitting at all the monitors. He stormed out of the shop muttering "I'll get my own back". 30 minutes later he came back to the shop with his jack russell, he stood there calm and never said a word, there was tension all around the shop and all of a sudden his dog had an almighty cr@p right in the middle of the shop. The guy said "good boy" and left the shop immediately. Disgusting behaviour all round but i thought it was hilarious.

AM I TOO EARLY 30 Jul 06:26 I was a saturday cashier for a 1 shop indy. It was a good shop doing about 1500 slips on a saturday. Circa 1980 on a sat there were 2 cashiers me on the payout thee sat settler and of course the owner, BOB. Nice guy but when the pressure was on flapped like a seagull. HE had two independent telephone lines at the shop. Its a nightmare sat, the favs are flying in BOB is getting Red and REDDER by the hour. F*** he says, in his pile a bet was running up. Hr grabs the phone pulls it to himself and starts ringing. It was the old style dial, and the wheel going back to the start seemed to take an eternity. The whole shop was in silence. I was crapping myself, only just turned 18. In this deathly silence, the 2nd phone rang. TYpical I thought, The second settler picked up the phone and in his best telephone accent announced, "BOB RACING "

BOB SHOUTED

"FFS"

He had rang his own number. The shop roared with laughter.

And he got away with the bet.

AM I TOO EARLY 30 Jul 06:27 HAPPY DAYS A few years back working as a cashier, we used to have a guy come in with what looked like about 10 body guards, they would push people aside so they could sit right next to the screen, always trying to nick a price, which you always let them have. Used to punt all day for about 200 a race get you making teas all day. Always smoked all my fags, never understood how he never had any. I didnt mind though, if he had a good day would leave 200-500 behind the counter, always said thats just for the cashiers, disnt want management having it. Was great seeing as I was the only cashier. Never wanted to get promoted, would have cost me about 2 grand a year!

AM I TOO EARLY 30 Jul 06:29 Yellow nutkin

Chinese guy who looked exactly like Terry Nutkin from Animal Magic, was the most suspisious guy in the whole world. He called me a thief once when I settled his Lucky for less than he expected that he had understaked. Tried to get the local rough necks to give me a kicking. His bet was Settled for the grand total of 1.47 less than he expected, he had over 200 quid coming back on it.

AM I TOO EARLY 30 Jul 06:29 A guy I know, will leave the pub on a Sat afternoon, to catch assorted races on the TV in the adjacent ******* or the OK Corral. Shares all his tips with a mate who lives on the other side of town. Both will watch the race in their respective shops, giving full commentary to each other over the mobile phone, despite the fact that both can see what's going on. Each fence negotiated results in the volume going up exponentially. By the time they're inside the final furlongs, he is yelling into the phone like a screaming banshee. "Gwonmyson...you f**cking c**t. F**K. Yes, yes, no, go on yes, no. Oh you w*nker McCoy. Yes. no. WHAT A C**T. YOOOOUUUU BEWTY!!!!!! Did you see that...."

AM I TOO EARLY 30 Jul 06:29 I once worked around the Liverpool area in shops that Billy's took over from Stan Lee Racing and there was this old fella who frequented a number of them and went by the nickname of cough drop Billy ; every time he visited the counter you could smell the aroma of a cherry tune or sometimes a honey and lemon locket ; but apparently his favourite seemed to be the Strepsil lozenger - from all accounts he never had a cough or cold he just ate them like sweets !......One day he won about £80 on a 20p L15 and came in with a packet of Halls for each of the girls on the counter.

AM I TOO EARLY 30 Jul 06:30 AYRTON SENNAPOD

Many years ago there used to be a guy in one place who would come into the local indy every day regular as clockwork. His suit, collar and tie all looked a bit "demob" and he'd start by the door slowly working his way along the wall. Putting all the pens/pencils back in the boxes and stacking the slips away again. When he got there, he'd slip into the rear toilet. After 20 mins he'd reappear, grab a cup of freebie coffee off the counter and make his way slowly back down the other wall carefully tidying as he went. When got back to the door he'd chuck the empty cup in the bin and walk out. I asked the manageress what the score was and she said," Ayrton's been coming in here everyday for at least 4 years. He never bets. He never causes trouble and he leaves the loo absolutely spotless. The cleaner never bothers to go in there now 'cause it's never anything other than pristine". After a slight pause she added, "I'd love to know where he takes a cr@p on Sundays though!"

Someone stabbed him as he walked home one night. Harmless.

AM I TOO EARLY 30 Jul 06:31 The Toilet man

This bookies i used when was in my 20s always had this guy come in put one bet on a greyhound and always use the bog,i dont know what was worse was the guy behind the counter who told me he always effing does a log in the toilet every day he comes in a certain thing going on there,one man does a log another looks at it every day.Bookies are crazy places thank god i dont frequent them now.

AM I TOO EARLY 30 Jul 06:32 More later....

alhigh 30 Jul 10:32 this a ripper thread.......CAMPOISGOD.....hilarious stuff....... we battling ozzies can relate to your stories. cheers pal...LOL.

jardine 30 Jul 11:20 best thread ever -

Flantastic 30 Jul 12:00 great work campo :)

DAVESSCOTT 30 Jul 14:07 Thanks, Campo/MD. great stuff.

jimk 31 Jul 01:15 THE THREE MUSKETBEERS

Always in Done bookies when i go in on my lunch break. no matter what time i take my lunch, they will be there! Live in the poorest area of Telford and dress to fit. They always back different horses in the same race and will back something in every race, and always in £10/£20/£30 bets. They work out the longest gap in-between the day's meetings/races, then nip outside every half hour with their plastic bag and down a can of beer each.

They never work, live a poor man style life, but always have a couple hundred £s each to flutter away every day! Unless they have a dodgy night-time earner, the Big Man will only where they get their money from and I certainly don't fancy enquiring.

AM I TOO EARLY 31 Jul 02:05 Anyone from west london must know the bloke that lived under the m4 flyover at chiswick in cardboard boxes..and punted in hundreds beard and a black cap would arrive in the shop with a plastic bag full of newspapers with 50s in them he had doe .. looked like a beggar not the worse judge in the world either .. the strangest character i ever seen i used to manage for ********* seen him many a time never heard him talk .. would be about 60 now probably long gone ..

never said a word but on the occasion i seen him on the street would just nod @ me.. circa 1990

AM I TOO EARLY 31 Jul 02:06 Betty Etfair. Always pops into the bookies even though he is "always trading on betfair" Watches a race without commenting then proceeds to claim "I laid the jolly" just as the fav gets beat.

Later comes onto Betfair forum and starts threads to make himself feel superior to others that he doesnt know, and will never meet.

AM I TOO EARLY 31 Jul 02:06 Dobbo 29 Jan 10:39 Nanny- the bloke under the M4 was still living under there a year or so ago. He must have been there for 20 years. I am staggered to learn he could manage to put a bet on. From what I've have seen of him he is seriously crazy.

AM I TOO EARLY 31 Jul 02:08 THE PEN SCIENTIST

Takes a slip and a pen from the box. Makes no attempt to "start up" the pen by scribbling but calls out, "******* useless!" and throws it on the floor. Takes another pen... and another... and another. Soon, no pens left in boxes but the floor is awash with 'em. The Scientist then asks to borrow someones pencil.

AM I TOO EARLY 31 Jul 02:09 The A Level Maths Student. Queries every payout slip ...Wants them rechecked ....sometimes has 6 slips at a time being handed back for checking .. ...when told ..." Sorry they definetly come to a £3-95p payout in total ".....says "Oh well ...best to get it right ".......

AM I TOO EARLY 31 Jul 02:09 xmastime in Leeds in the early 60s. The shoplifters would get you a turkey , or anything for half price. All the money kept going over the counter and made Jim Windsor even richer. I ordered a turkey and the shoplifter came back with a framed copy of that Chinese girl in the green dress, about 3ft square. But I ordered a turkey, says I. There are no turkeys left in Leeds, so you will have to make do with this! he said. And what is more, he said, it was very difficult to nick!!!

AM I TOO EARLY 31 Jul 02:10 kingbrief 30 Jan 14:34

ROBERT 'CRACKERJACK' AGIMBO. Has just knocked Oliver Reed off 10th spot in my own personal 'Greatest People Of All-Time' list.

Tommy Toes 30 Jan 14:48 King brief, I've already asked AITL to pass on my regards to Crackerjack the next time he sees him, on another thread. He's obviously a great bloke.

AM I TOO EARLY 31 Jul 02:11 THE SYNDICATE WATCHER

in my local lad d ies there is a cashier who is forever going on about the local pro " BETTING SYNDICATES" going around the area.

he suspects everyone of being part of asyndicate who bets more than 10 quid.

best way to throw him off the scent is to ask him to explain what a price change is...

i occasionally go in there and bet something i know is a price change just to see his face

his name?

COLUMBO !!

Last updated: 19 Aug 2008 by Stow judge Contact